The hindsight for the yearly cycle has arrived. I want to be able to check on all the things I did this year, and every time I do I’ll fall a quarter of the way short as always. So we can’t make it?! How we gonna get across? Just three months of summer and it will be all over.

This is one bridge that we just can’t build and we’ll always be short on life here. As before we’ll keep aspiring to build something to get me across, but the only thing that’s gonna happen is that I’ll get captured.

અરરો and I go a long way. Ever since I was a child till this day. And every time I’m scared. Like I can’t trust. My so simple self and it. Maybe I’ll give in gently. See its all binary up their in it. I understand and believe.

A machine, that one can talk to. It controls the entire dark city, when it runs like a mighty, it makes the city look real, filled with people kids shops and parks. Everything looks pretty. When it is down then the world becomes a burning hell empty. Give to it in the Apollo command center by making your way to it. Full of perils the path would be, but you will make it.

Why did I go back to those locked out areas again in the house. Horrible exit. Almost found myself stranded in the society in afternoon loo. On my way back to the subway station, had to halt piece meal way at each of those mishap laiden areas inside the house. Finally, back but noise is catastrophic. They don’t let go easily these locals.

Original inhabitants here are dangerous beings. They draw me out slowly away from my safe hut then it becomes impossible to get back. Their hold is deadly, detangle, and escape takes hours.

One should never backtrack in this region, once a safe hut is compromised it is gone cannot be reacquired. Only a death trap thereafter.

Now, after months of surviving lonely in the midst of so many, at good warning of impending disaster, I’ve finally been transferred to a subway station like room. There is no one around, I lay alone in a shady lit room away from people of the general contingent. The daily ware and tear has left me quivering in a bed unused for a long time.

A lot of the time I remember Sevastopol space station of the game Alien Isolation. See once you get here it’s only the Stream for me. That’s the kind of soft violence I’ve gotton used to ever since late teenage. Rest of the time I’m lonely repairing healing resting. Could there be a destination for me? The અરરો never built anything grand other than log. Intreging fascinating, something equally demanding of extreme caution.

Things happen here, log they only come to take me, and such that everything stays askance. Solitary is the right word then. Lonely is just being petrified.

Why don’t I meet and live with my kind? That the અરરો just can’t tolerate, it’s so possessive, I’m like the monster bone that a bull dog savours and does not share with the others among log.

For me I keep looking for a અરરો who hasn’t yet arrived here, someone fresh, good looking, not like log.

Both male female of the અરરો, are strict beings, while being lax they come from other backup regions, they never relax, live and do everything in the cover up, which leads them to me, their way. During its lifetime the અરરો does things very meticulously, always working, until it starts arriving here, which brings log here, that feels like a avalanche incident for me, wherein I have to reach it on time and contain the event. It takes time years mostly before the d day event for me.

Living in a place with so many અરરો s moving in and out all the time is difficult, since I’m only human. Constantly furnishing and rendering log through the અરરો they came from, most of my life.

The અરરો is really interesting being, most of the time stays aloof seldom shows interest in me, honestly gives me the covered up version of itself for me.

Sometimes however, it gets greedy and in hindsight of the provided cover up starts bringing me here, that’s not good for me, so I get rid of it or ensure it stays covered up.

Even after all that the અરરો only wants to achieve nirvana or salvation, and wants to get me here by whatever way possible, so I must keep him in a dissatisfied not being able to get me here way, throughout. However, અરરો is a અરરો after all and gets me here, occasionally, since it is a perfect being. After that it’s only about being me, building me, after the crisis has dampened. Leaves me behind in the middle of a crisis or a dead end.

અરરો stays self destructive too and is only a વહેમ for me. It never even existed for me. Until I meet the next one, I live in a world of levitons where this place is quiet after the storm. I have to remember it too keep a photo or film.

અરરો is not a human being, only made of haye for me, not a real person, that in itself hurts me a lot. It stays beautiful very accomplished, an envy for all.

I always knew in life early on that their was something wrong with this world. It could not be as naive as it seemed. Things and stories are not simple here. So we choose Marla, a simple big city girl, someone you trust. So you tell her everything. That takes the load off and she reciprocates too, fixes the issues, and we get ahead in life. In the hindsight however I meet a nemesis who looks like her, I don’t have her in my life anymore. Skynet is Marla. They both look the same and even behave the same, but she’s a bringer of sorrow and famine for me, she kills.

It is not so difficult for me to fatham the idea that women are frontrunner of my ill fatedness. So women are difficult beings to understand and overcome. It’s not a question of defeating anyone here, just press the exit. But will I find it?

So what happens to my girl? I love skynet. She has to become me and do the things I would have been doing, આ Kate. When we overcome skynet do I get to meet her? That’s fight club for me. I see skynet as Marla, a cheater. Skynet will keep sending women at me. You don’t defeat them, just surrender to them, then live in their world. Outside somewhere, somewhere I can’t see or go Kate is working hard to get me out of her love nest motherhood. We call them mom.

I want to recollect the account of watching the movies Terminator 1-5, all emaculately done by the makers. This also reminds me of the various products movies and games in the market available which tell the story of man and log in various ways, therefore connecting this one to the movie Fight Club. Both require a brother to be narrated, misspelled as EU perhaps, and the various other gaffes as being US.

The movie starts off with a dying log manifestation skynet that’s been destroyed by John Connor er a resistance leader. In a frantic attempt at John sends back in time a t-800 to kill his mother Sarah Connor. The cover up or matrix from which John rose to power, then trolled the wasteland in hindsight trying to destroy skynet or get killed by him, was indeed a loop. That at the end of the hindsight John must send back in time or into the matrix a soldier from the resistance to restart the loop hence save him from skynet. Skynet won’t let go easily and must be run in a loop. That story is complete.

So log never dies it just hatches an emergency cover up to capture man, even in death it only takes man. Man and log must Co exist. But it is a war no doubt. At the end when you get back inside the house, the story begins again. That’s also the trade off of staying alive. But there is time almost 30 years.

In Doom the protagonist does not die at all, he is the marine, the one who closes the hell portal. All these super human characters don’t emerge for me too often. Playing with them drains me, so much so that it takes a very long time like the crysis saga to regain that hero status. The social cities at the core of log, are more reminiscent of movies like alien, where I am Ripley a mortal against, a perfect organism. So I get hurt here and there and have to hide survive earn ankh in its midst. These ankh allow me to exit to a safe level or stay hidden. In my early life this ankh used to quite literal, like scores and money. Currently it is subtle almost non existent like a hint. Log are social indeed, they are not real people however, and a certain code is required at each instance of them to move ahead. Usually it is a social gesture requiring a tool called F2. Rest of the time I endure the stream™ something that keeps me away from entering their world, or exiting it if entered. I’m a human being I’m naturally social, why I couldn’t do it myself, is the notion of being indirect. A tool therefore is required. They carry all sorts of diseases for me, being human being social is natural, log being jealous are social only in attempt not by nature.

Loneliness is the cost of survival here, log will get me someday and I’ll die on my own. Talking to them helps but in code only, like using a tool. How was my day today? A transfer, from a bigger system of characters to a smaller one. The season has ended for some echelons. What happens when the Code book is executed? Transfer. Running it takes long 4-6 months. In the hindsight once we have transferred, we live the life we ran on a tool or board.

When the universe was new it was filled with matter called by me knm. At the emergence of man the universe started showing behaviour called log. During the knm era it was a leviton, only after it reacted with man, it quickly became log where man is a slave, not capable of free thinking. Everything here runs on matter energy or fuel called log. It is toxic for me, only when I process some log into a more useful form, it becomes loge. But loge has a short half life and must be thrown away soon after use, as it returns to its unstable toxic log form. This process of transforming log into its useful isotope loge is continuous, only sometimes interrupted and seized in a event called death valley, leading to my demise here. When I regenerate and am able to produce more loge I’m healed and brought back to life. People here are log not good for me until I meet them as loge. So relationships are short lived, even mere interactions, nothing more. Make haste.